Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
