My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
