how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
