I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
