Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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