around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
