I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
