I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am puke
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
