why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
