why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
