Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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