life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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