you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im holly from the hills drunk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
