Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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