and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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