The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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