Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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