your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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