please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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