He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
