Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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