how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
