My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You need a sexual gate keeper
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
