Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize