Can i not drive my cunt home
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
