So many bounce houses so little time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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