I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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