you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
