After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
