we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
