i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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