Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
