I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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