I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
