my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize