I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
