In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
