Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
