I bet he comes in French.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize