Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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