i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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