you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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