Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
