I'm so fucking centered right now
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
