He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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