Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
