I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just threw up on my dentist
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
