i barfeds in our rink
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
