When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
