I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
