dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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