She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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