I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
