well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
