my soul wont recognize me after tonight
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
