How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize