i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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