Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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