Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so let's talk penis.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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