Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
