I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
