she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
