ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
