we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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