dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
