WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
