it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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