He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
