if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I touched a dick in church today
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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