She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
