i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
