He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize