I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
