it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
