3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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