Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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